Agony and Ecstasy
by Xandra76
Summary: Ziva is torn after having to kill somebody threatening the team. That is unusual for her, so Gibbs is worried. Ziva goes to his place to talk, and things develop from there...
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first story ever (and I'm not talking only about fanfiction…). Also, English is not my first language, so sorry for all possible and probable mistakes.**

**As I saw in other stories, I suppose I have to say this, although it's obvious…:**

**Disclaimer : NCIS and the characters don't belong to me, unfortunatelly… **

Seen from a relative distance, from across the room, the girl looked frail, out of place, as if the gun she was holding was just some kind of ill-chosen prop. From her barely found place crouching behind the huge leather couch Ziva thought for a second that maybe this was just some big misunderstanding, that McGee couldn't seriously be held with a gun at the back of his head by this… almost child.

She looked up from the hand holding the small weapon to the girl's (she hardly could think of her as a woman) face. All illusions of a peaceful outcome shattered instantly as Ziva saw her eyes – unwavering, cold and so determined. No trace of hesitation or even desperation could be seen. The agent shivered slightly, from the image before her or the cold creeping into her every bone in the freezing room, she didn't know. She glanced at Tony, partially obscured by the heavy curtains besides her and at Gibbs, a few feet in front of her, weapon on the floor and hands in the air. For the last couple of minutes he had been trying, in his best negotiator style, to reason with the woman, apparently with no success.

"You killed my fiance, so one of your friends must die today..." She was looking straight at Gibbs, her voice clear and cold, like she was reciting a line. "…and you too, Special Agent Gibbs. The rest of you could still make it out before this all blows to hell". She jerked her head towards the torn-out gas pipe, whistling ominously in the otherwise silent room.

Gibbs tried again. "We did not kill your fiance, he chose to end his own life rather than face the charges… You think this is what he wanted for you ? Throwing away your life like that?"

"You know nothing about him, or about what love is supposed to be!" the young woman yelled, her eyes finally coming alive for a second. "Now, I see we all die together, no matter who fires a gun first. You get to see your agent here go before you do though Agent Gibbs. That's only fitting since I saw Jay jump off that bridge…"

Tony's eyes widened, frantically searching for something, anything to grab. Gibbs tried to reach for something at his ankle, presumably his knife, realizing at the same time he had no chance of doing that in time.

More out of instinct than of any real hope of surviving, McGee kicked his elbow hard behind him, surprising the woman enough to delay her pressing the trigger for a second. Ziva reacted instantly, throwing the knife she was already holding straight at the woman's throat. Tony was already on his way, grabbing the gun and tearing it away at the last second, as the woman tried to squeeze the trigger with her last breath, blood spilling from the severed carotid artery.

Everything moved fast after that, the windows opened, the gas shut, calls made. Tony snapping photos and Palmer bringing the black body-bag from the van, Ziva finally brought herself to look at the woman's face. She looked almost sleeping, if you ignored the gash in her throat and the blood under her head and upper torso, her face peaceful, eyes starring at nothing. And she looked so young… Ziva remembered what Tony said a few days ago, as the girl's photo was up on the plasma. "She looks like a younger version of you, Zee-vah… Any cousin you failed to introduce me to?". Ziva laughed at that point, commenting something about him and any breathing female. But now, looking at the dead body on the floor, the agent didn't feel like laughing. She felt an almost panic-like feeling settling in. Working at NCIS obviously changed her, a few years back she probably wouldn't have thought twice about what she had to do. Seeing that… girl lying there – it was almost as if she was… No, she had to stop that thought, she was nothing but a deranged woman who would have died anyway, taking everyone with her. McGee, Tony, … Gibbs. Speaking of whom, Ziva snapped from starring at her victim's face to see him looking at her with an almost sad expression, as if he knew what she had been thinking. But that couldn't be, she couldn't be that transparent after years of Mossad training, not even to Gibbs, with his uncanny ability to read people and their thoughts… and feelings? Well, maybe not so much, Ziva thought, or maybe he would have noticed the way she tried to hide everything, even from herself. But now is certainly not the time to ponder that. She shrugged and looked defiantly at him, chin up, exuding confidence. Or so she hoped. Gibbs' gaze softened and he broke eye contact first. That was, Ziva thought, unusual to say the least. Is it possible he realized somehow how killing that girl affected her? She felt she couldn't breathe, with that young girl lying there, with Tony and McGee giving her slightly worried looks (or was it just an impression…?) and Gibbs obviously on his way, coming to talk to her. With a conscious effort to compose herself, Ziva smiled slightly at her boss, saying the first thing that came into her mind.

"You will want the report on your desk first thing in the morning, yes?"

He looked a bit strangely at her. "You can do the reports tomorrow… You should go home, sleep, take a hot bath, …relax, whatever you do at home." He seemed almost embarrassed.

"_Take a hot bath? Where the hell did that come from?"_ Gibbs thought, as an image of Ziva in a steamy bath, slowly leathering her entire body lodged itself behind his eyelids. _"Very appropriate, Jethro…"_ he mentally head-slapped himself.

"Yes I'll… I'll go home. Thank you Gibbs." She was way too compliant, something was definitely off about her, Gibbs thought, his feeling from earlier reinforced.

"Ziva" he called after her, just as she was leaving, glancing surreptitiously at the body bag being wheeled out. She stopped, not turning for fear he'll see the pain and anguish in her eyes. "Gibbs?" He stopped right behind her, almost touching her back, a hand on her upper arm, his heat seeping even through her clothes.

"You OK, Ziva?" She felt hot tears coming to her eyes at this simple gesture of warmth. What the hell was wrong with her? Her weakness made her angry, at herself, at Gibbs, at the world.

"Of course I am fine, why wouldn't I be? I did my job, what I was trained to do. This is not the first woman I killed, you know. Do you think that should upset me Gibbs?"

She moved, trying to shake his hand off, to drop the warmth she didn't feel she deserved.

He frowned, confused at her reaction, but didn't budge. "You did well, Ziva, you know that. You most likely saved everyone's lives today."

She breathed in and out, getting her bearings.

"Not everyone's" she whispered as she left, so softly that Gibbs almost missed it.


	2. Chapter 2

The sound of sandpaper on wood and the smooth movements usually relaxed him, putting his mind at ease, Gibbs thought, but apparently even that was too much to ask for tonight. He abandoned the tools on top of his half finished boat and went to pour himself a healthy dose of bourbon. Ziva's reaction earlier puzzled him, and Gibbs didn't like not being able to figure things out. Especially if "things" involved one of his people, and probably more so if it was her. The hurt and vulnerability he glimpsed in Ziva's eyes tore at his heart and, if he was honest with himself, scared him a little. She always wore that "I'm-stronger-than-rock-and-nothing-impresses-me" façade around people, and this situation didn't seem to qualify for any different reaction. He thought for a while that perhaps the former Mossad liaison officer had some extra involvement in the case, was maybe familiar in some way with the parties involved, but since Ziva was a full-time NCIS agent now that didn't make any sense. Plus his gut didn't alert him to anything throughout the case. "_Who am I kidding_", he mused, "_what's really scary is that I'm sitting here worrying about her feelings…Which is why emotional involvement with you co-workers is never a good idea_".

"Crap…" he said aloud, determined to drop that train of thought and at least try and concentrate on his boat.

Hearing the small creak of the wooden stairs to his basement and sensing more than actually seeing Ziva in the darkened area at the top of the stairs wasn't that big of a surprise. At least part of him expected her to come to him with whatever was bothering her, or more likely hoped she would.

"You're gonna come down here, Ziva, or stand there forever?" he said, without moving from his spot near the workbench.

She made her way down slowly, hand clenching the railing, her face tight and uneasy.

Gibbs handed her a half-full glass of bourbon, watching her fidgeting with a sleeve of her blouse and waiting for her to speak. She downed the drink but held on to the jar, swirling it between her palms.

"My family, as I'm sure you're aware of, was never much of a family. My brother… you know about that. I never, not for a second, regretted what I did…" she looked up at him, reinforcing what she said with her eyes "…but he was still my brother, the only one left… after Tali, my baby sister, died". She paused, her eyes misting slightly. "I told you she was killed in a Hamas bombing when she was only 16. What you don't know is that we could have probably prevented that bombing, we had heard information that something was planned but the intention was to capture not only the bombers but also those who ordered it. So we delayed capturing them until… well, until it was too late".

"Who's _"we"_?"

"Mossad"

"You know Ziva there was nothing you could have done… It's not like you had the power to make decisions like that! And you couldn't know when and where the bombing was planned, or that your sister would be there"

"I know all that Gibbs. I still feel I let her down"

"Why now? What made you think about that now?"

"The woman I killed today… she was so young. And, as Tony said, she looked a lot like me. Or, more accurately, like Tali. I looked at her face and saw my sister…"

"I'm so sorry Ziva". He made a move towards her, but she raised a hand, stopping him.

"That's not it, Gibbs! I hesitated!" she almost yelled. "I had a chance for a second, a minute before all hell broke loose, to throw my knife, she had moved a bit from behind McGee, but I hesitated! And after… everything, I still felt sorry for her. I could have gotten everyone killed because I was weak! That is unacceptable!"

He stepped forward this time and grabbed her shoulders. "Ziva stop! Get it through your head that you are only human! You not only didn't get us killed, but saved our asses today. You did good ! You didn't hesitate when it mattered". Gibbs relaxed his grip on her shoulders but didn't let go. "Please, Ziva, don't do this to yourself…It wasn't your fault".

Ziva understood he meant that not only for the current situation, but for her sister as well, and it meant the world to her to hear it coming from him.

She sagged against him and was drawn into his arms, face hidden in the crook of his neck, wet with tears she couldn't cry until then.

"I'm sorry Gibbs…I didn't mean to bother you with this." She said after a few minutes in which neither of them spoke, feeling much calmer. He was slowly rocking her, arms tight around her body.

"Don't be, Ziva". I'm glad you came…" he whispered into her hair, lips almost touching her ear.

She shivered slightly, very different emotions replacing the anguish she felt when she first showed up. Almost without realizing she moved her head, rubbing her cheek against his, until her mouth was just millimeters apart from his lips. She felt him tightening his arms, gaze darting between her eyes and her lips.

Slowly she touched her lips to his, eyes open, waiting to see if he would push her away. Gibbs seemed a little stunned, but his eyes darkened and Ziva felt his breath speeding up, lips unconsciously opening for her. She pressed her mouth against his, hard, demanding, tongue seeking entrance. He groaned deep in his throat, a hand going to the back of her head and grabbing her hair, tilting her head so he could have better access to her mouth. The intensity of the kiss was something none of them expected, taking their breaths away and weakening their knees. Ziva squirmed, pressing her hips harder against his, wanting, needing much more than just a kiss. Gibbs felt pleasure shoot up from where she was rubbing herself against him, easing a bit of the pressure and driving him completely insane. He moved them so she was trapped between the workbench and his hard body, still kissing her, tongue exploring her mouth. He couldn't believe how worked up he was in such a short time, it usually took a little longer these days, but the effect this woman was having on him was beyond anything he remembered. She was moaning and wriggling slightly in his arms, tongue fighting with his for dominance, and he wanted nothing more than to lift her on the bench behind her and sink deep into her. Still, something kept nagging at the back of his mind, some small part of his rational brain still functioning.

He pulled his upper body back a bit and stilled her moving hips with his hands. She looked flushed, lips red and wet from all the kissing, eyes black and wild, her hair a mess. It took all the control and training he had not to resume what they were doing, screw rationality and thinking.

"Gibbs… ?" she questioned, panting and still trying to rub against him.

He pulled back a fraction, his control slipping dangerously.

"Ziva, I…. This is not such a good idea."

She looked straight into his eyes, trying to gauge his thoughts. There was no mistake that he wanted her too, the large bulge she felt in his pants was rather obvious. She pressed her hips forward hard, seeking extra proof. He pushed back automatically and groaned, before trying to cover that up by clearing his throat. Once again he stilled her, any idea formulated in his mind gone.

"Is it because of your rules? I wouldn't let this change our working relationship Gibbs, we are both better than that…"

He chuckled "Things are always easier said than done, Ziva, but no, it's not the rules…".

He got serious and took a step back.

"You said once I'm the closest thing you have to a father figure. Considering that, this…" he waved his hand between the two of them "might be a little…odd, don't you think?"

The knot in the throat relaxed a bit, and she felt somewhat relieved - if that was the only problem she could explain things.

"You are my boss, Gibbs, and the respect and admiration I have for you in that capacity did make you into a father figure. I learned so much from you that I can never thank you enough. But I didn't come here to see my boss, I came to see you, Jethro.. the man, the friend… I never saw you as a father per se, just your team leader persona. Do you understand that difference? That is why I have said that being with you wouldn't interfere with work."

She waited, hands clenching the bench behind her, for any reaction from Leroy Jethro Gibbs. She watched his jaw muscles twitch as he was trying to see things into this new frame she just gave him.

"Back then when you said that to me I was torn… part of me was so proud and… humbled you would see me as a father figure and another part was… let's say disappointed that's all I was to you. Does that make any sense?"

Ziva didn't think Gibbs could be so introspective, she had to admit she was pleasantly surprised.

"Actually, it does. I wasn't in a very good place at the moment…" _"That's the understatement of the year"_ he thought, "but later, as I had time to think, I too was disappointed that you accepted my "father-figure" idea so easily... So, we're OK then?" she finished abruptly, not being one for many words herself.

He held his ground. "What about Tony?"

She didn't seem too surprised at the question, nor did she pretend she didn't understand what he meant.

"I care about Tony a lot…" Gibbs felt like he was being punched in the stomach and had to work hard to keep his face immobile "but not exactly in…that way. He cares about me too, I know that. If we weren't partners, we would have probably tried to be together at some point, I don't deny there is some… attraction. But we both realize our feelings are much more those of good friends than lovers, and that satisfying a curiosity is not worth ruining "us" as friends and partners. We've never been together, and it's not because of the rules."

Gibbs' spirits lifted considerably, he had to admit he appreciated her honesty. Furthermore, if all she said was true, he could live with that.

He smiled, a corner of his mouth lifting slightly. "What about me Ziva? What do you want from me?"

She stepped forward, pressing her entire body flush against his.

"You, I want you, Gibbs…" she threw a smile of her own, warming him up instantly "…if you're finished playing hard to get".

He leaned his mouth towards hers, stopping just short of touching.

"Jethro…"

Ziva looked confused. "What?"

"You should call me Jethro, Ziva, that's my name"

"Well, when I'm alone and I… think about you I usually call you Gibbs. But I'll try anything if you so desire …". She was still smiling, pleased with his reaction. The suddenness and rawness of his desire and of the blood flowing south surprised him again. The effect this woman was having on him…

"You… you fantasize about me, Ziva?" he asked, his voice a bit choked, a flash of Ziva touching herself while thinking about him dancing behind his eyelids.

"I do, Jethro. Would you like to see?" she teased, slowly unzipping her own pants and slipping a hand inside.

He growled, grabbing her hand and dragging her towards the stairs. "Bedroom, Ziva, now!"


	3. Chapter 3

By the time they reached his bedroom most of their clothes were already gone, forgotten in one of the few stops along the way. Gibbs slammed the door shut behind them and pushed Ziva with her back against it, lifting her slightly. Her legs immediately went around his waist, pressing her core against the bulge in his pants. His lips crushed down on hers, tongue slipping inside and probing every corner of her mouth. He turned, still holding her up wrapped around him and deposited her on the bed, him on top. Pulling back from the kiss to catch his breath, Gibbs lowered his mouth to Ziva's neck, biting softly on the sensitive skin behind her ear and eliciting a deep moan from her. He went lower, rolling a nipple between two fingers while cupping her other breast and lowering his mouth to it. He slowly kissed around the areola, teasing her before finally closing his lips around the nipple and sucking hard. She arched her back, pushing her chest even more towards his hungry mouth. He alternated between circling the nipple with the tip of his tongue, flicking it in short motions and sucking it deep in his mouth. He stopped for a second only to move and give the same treatment to her other breast. Ziva was getting slightly desperate beneath him by now, panting hard and pushing his hand towards her pussy. He obliged, sliding a finger once through her slit and flicking her clit with his fingernail. Her hips bucked hard and she would have screamed if her breath wasn't taken away (she never would have believed that expression could apply here). She kept moving her hips, trying to keep his hand there and getting more frustrated. "Gibbs, I swear, if you don't touch me now…"

He smirked, pleased with himself, not saying anything. She tried again, willing to beg if that meant feeling those obviously talented fingers again "Please, Jethro…"

Gibbs lowered himself more on the bed, easily lifted Ziva's hips and placed a pillow under her. Making room for himself between her legs, he held her hips in place while he slowly licked a path from her ass to her clit. She cried out again, jerking on the bed under his lips. He repeated the move a few times, driving her insane with need, before settling to circle her clit with the tip of his tongue and to flick over it occasionally, up and down, left and right. Ziva was so close she thought she couldn't stand the sensations anymore, but just when she felt the peak approaching Gibbs stopped touching her for a few seconds, while still keeping her hips still.

"God please, please, Jethro…" she panted, desperate to reach her release "just help me… aaahhh". He slid two fingers suddenly into her snug channel, causing her to cry out, but refrained from moving them. He knew he was torturing her, but seeing her so desperate was the most erotic thing he experienced in his entire life. That beautiful, toned body, hard fiber under smooth olive skin, small dark nipples peaking up…He groaned, resting his forehead just for a moment on her thigh and trying to regain some control over his own body before once again sliding his tongue over her clit, this time while slowly moving his fingers inside of her. He didn't pump the fingers in and out but bent them in a "come-here" gesture, finding and rubbing the sweet spot inside of her. Ziva thought for a second she would die from the combination of his fingers inside of her and that incredibly mobile tongue playing with her clit, all her senses going into overdrive.

Apparently her strangled cry and the wild bucking of her hips caused Gibbs to take pity on her. He twisted his fingers inside of her and bit down a little on her clit, feeling her contracting hard and long around his fingers and watching in awe as her whole body arched off the bed as she screamed in a deep, hardly recognizable voice. He pressed his dick harder into the mattress, trying to relive some of the pressure of the almost painful erection. Torturing Ziva didn't help him much either, he thought, as he felt ready to explode and so hard it hurt. He still moved his fingers a bit, prolonging Ziva's orgasm, but removed his lips from her clit. Pushing himself higher on the bed, he found her lips and kissed her strongly. She responded in kind, still recovering from the most amazing orgasm she could remember, tasting herself on his lips. She smiled lazily and wriggled her hips a little, enjoying the feeling of his fingers still inside of her. Gibbs' patience was running low though, the pressure in his groin almost too much to bear. Ziva apparently noticed his state and flipped them over using her legs, straddling him. She leaned over to kiss him, not being able to get enough of his mouth, the change in position rubbing her wet core against his shaft. He moaned and pushed his hips upwards, increasing the pressure. That didn't last long though, as Ziva decided it wasn't enough and slowly moved backwards towards the foot of the bed, licking and nipping at his skin as she went. She gently bit his nipples, one than the other, her hair a heavy curtain over his body, playing a bit around with her tongue and finally blowing small puffs of air to dry them. Gibbs made an effort not to take control back and sink into her at that very instant, to let her have her way, but it was getting to be too much for him.

"Ziva" he growled, "I don't need more foreplay…"

She threw him a sultry look and, with just a ghost of a smirk moved further down his body, admiring his perfectly toned chest and abs. Just as his eyes were closed for a second in his attempt to control himself, she moved quickly and took him fully into her mouth. He almost roared, his hips bucking automatically upwards, almost gagging Ziva for a second. She didn't seem to mind though, loving every second of having him deep in her mouth. She always wondered about him, how he would feel, and this was beyond good. He was big and thick, hot and rock-hard. Even Ziva could imagine this must have been already painful for him, making her appreciate his patience even more. She moved her head up and down slowly, experimentally, earning another long groan from him. He fisted his hands in the bed sheets, knuckles almost white, in an effort not to grab her head and fuck that amazing hot mouth as hard as he could. She accelerated the moves, dragging her tongue on the underside of his shaft and swirling it around the head. The discomfort gone from her sucking him, Gibbs was still torn between the fierce need to let go and find his release and the desire to hold on and prolong this for a while longer. The choice was almost taken from him as Ziva sneaked a hand between his legs and gently massaged his balls. His whole body contracted as he yelled through clenched teeth "Ziva stop!". Her mouth froze midway and she allowed him a few moments to cool. Before he could take charge, her head bobbed up and down his shaft again, slower this time. She looked up at him, enjoying the feeling of power as she took notice of the heavy breathing, clenched teeth and darkened, wild eyes. She increased the pressure of her lips on him again and, just as he thought there was no way in hell he could hold on this time she paused and squeezed the base of his dick hard with two fingers, effectively stopping his orgasm. Her mouth still around him, she moaned deep in her throat, again turned on beyond belief by the sight of him. The vibrations shot up through his entire body, driving him almost insane.

He grabbed Ziva and pulled her up, hearing her release his dick with a wet pop. He slammed her on the bed beside him and got on top of her in a flash. Ziva raising her legs and wrapping them tightly around his waist was all the encouragement Gibbs needed as he aligned her hips and sank into her all the way in one fluid motion. He stopped for a few seconds to allow her to get use to the intrusion, but both were more than ready. He began moving in and out, the feel of her hot wet channel better than anything he fantasized about.

"So wet Ziva, so very tight…Not gonna be able to hold on for long…"

Her head was thrown back on the pillow, eyes scrunched tightly.

"Don't…hold…back…Jethro". She was panting hard, already close again, the feel of him moving inside of her insanely good.

"God Ziva, you're… killing… me!" he groaned, barely speaking, his movements faster and deeper, loosing their coherence and becoming erratic.

"Harder…yes…ooohhh yeah… please, please, Jethro...". They were struggling against each other by now, desperate for release. She sneaked a hand between them, pressing her fingers behind his balls to reach his prostate from the outside. That's all it took for Gibbs, his whole body became rigid, he pushed hard one last time as he felt the most intense orgasm rip through his spine, his balls and dick. He roared into Ziva's hair as he finally released his load deep inside her. She screamed, the pleasure beyond belief. "Gibbs!" His whole body bucking into her triggered her own peak, and the strong contractions of her inner muscles only served to prolong the orgasms for both of them.

"That was… wow!". Ziva still had trouble breathing, the situation not improved by the fact that she had her face snuggled into the side of Gibbs' neck. She was thinking she was becoming addicted to this man's smell and had a flash of her chasing him around the squad room to sniff him.

"Yeah… my thoughts exactly… Are you sniffing me by any chance Ziver?"

"Yes". She had no intention of explaining her addiction theory.

"Oh, well, okay then…". He thought he knew the answer, but still asked "So, 'you still think this…" he moved his hand between them, like he did earlier, "…could work ?"

Ziva raised her head fast, frowning at him. "Do you really have to ask, _Jethro_?"

He smiled, relief obvious on his face. "Well, you did call me _Gibbs_ if I remember correctly, Ziva".

"Practice, Jethro, all I need is some practice…"


End file.
